Wander

by WVNDER

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Recorded, engineered, mixed, and mastered by Andy Cizek.

Artwork by Bradley F. Edwards
© 2013-2014 Frederick, MD

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released May 7, 2014

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WVNDER Frederick, Maryland

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Track Name: Brave
I wake up and remember who I am
The product of obscure design,
A pent up agitated mind

Lost sight of my most calculated plans
Broke every promise to myself,
A pattern I know all too well

Direction is harder to come by when I'm all alone
Connections are carelessly severed when I need them most
For what?

Search for another excuse, or regret the truth as soon as you find it
Put up with mental abuse, by pretentious fools who think that they're so open-minded
I can't stand biting my tongue, but when I'm candid you always lash out and deny it
So when you're coming undone, remember honesty only hurts more when you fight it

It's difficult to say, if I'll ever find a way to clean the mess inside my mind
And I've tried to put to rest, the pounding in my chest that causes me to fall behind
I've been here before, but I don't want to stay, I'm planning my escape
So unlock the door, and though I am afraid, I'll brave the world away

I hear them calling my name, and now there's nowhere to hide, there's nowhere to hide
I'm throwing out all the shame, that hangs in my heavy mind, in my heavy mind
Get up before it's too late, this bed is covered in lies, it's covered in lies
I'm moving out of the shade, so I can welcome the light, I'll welcome the light
Track Name: Counterpart
In this world, we’re all in search for a counterpart
But how can I decide what that is if I don’t even know what I want?

Mother told me when you grow up you will understand
Love’s true meaning, but here I am and I can’t pretend
That I’ve seen even a glimpse of that famed allure
In my dreams, there’s someone out there with a cure

Can I convince myself that you’re out there somewhere
When my heart knows better?
Taking my chances in a reckless pursuit of love
I think I’ve found it, then I realize it’s not enough
Another failure tells me I should have known not to hold faith in my feelings, they’re always misleading me

So tell me, where will I go?

As amorous sparks pull me in
The thrill of the chase clouds my mind again
My caution has all been swept up by the wind
And I know I don’t stand a chance

Cause when the fire dies
Affection suffers its cold demise
It happens every time
I’m stricken with feelings I can’t keep alive

Can anybody here help me bury my doubt?
What if I find you and you don’t even want me?

Where will I go?
Track Name: Grapvine
Does my record show
That I’m damaged, disfigured with my faults exposed?
Cast your judgement aside for once

Stay close, and take a second glance
Forgive all the things that I can’t change
These stones have been cast in advance
Before you knew my name

Flawed, and therefore labeled from the start
Maybe I haven’t kept my hands clean but no one can decide where I belong
Draw all your conclusions from afar,
But naming everybody guilty will only bring to light your own faults

And I don’t want to know
What happens through the grapevine you've struggled to grow
Keep your thoughts inside for once

Wake up and take a second glance
Let go of all the things you fabricate
Your pride has got you in a trance
To hide you from the blame

Your words don’t sound the same in person
Track Name: Footprints
Last one, last one
Then I swear I won’t do this again
When I’m done, when I’m numb they can’t get me

I’ll find a way to escape the confines of my conscious state
Fade away

Feel life as it crumbles in my hands
Cause I’ve suffered all I can

As I leave a world that confounds me
When I’m freed from all my surroundings
I will make sure they don’t forget the footprints I’ve left
Track Name: Departure
Sometimes I stare at the stars
And curse the universe for making me feel so small
Cause by default, we don’t matter at all
But I’m learning how to make my time in this world count
I'm leaving my fear of the dark far behind, out of mind to be with you

I’m cutting ties with all my fear and doubt
Carry me with all your favorite sounds
Because the fire I harbor inside
Could light the way to a better life
Set me free, I’ve got a message to carry out, and I’m not afraid

No I’m not afraid

Can’t rest my back against the wall, it gets harder still
And blaming fate won’t help at all

Don’t wait around for your blessings to seek you out
I know the rain’s coming down but I swear it won’t hurt you
Track Name: Thanks a Lot
Find me in the next life
Until then I won't let you in
I trust what exists: Life

I tried
I called for a sign
To bring me to life
But all I managed to find
Were fools in paradise

And now I struggle to see in color
Carry my burdens with no ignorant bliss
Avoiding problems under the covers
But time won't stand still while I hide in my room

Without a purpose, why do I bother?
Scraping the bottom for reasons to exist
I hold my head down under the water
So that I may find this supposed white light

Slowly, I've come to realize I can only count on what I know and
Knowing without uncertainty eludes me as I wander through this life

If there's a reason for this existence, somebody tell me why
I know the world will just keep on spinning whether I live or die
One choice could end this forever, or at least in my mind
But my voice and yours heard together could shed a different light

Myths and legends (they're not real, though I feel afraid)
Fool us again (I tried to, I want to believe)
Thirst for knowledge (it takes me, it breaks me again)
Gives no solace (that I can find)
Track Name: It Gets Better
When did I start to feel this way? I wish I had cherished my time before I began aging
Feels like I'm living by mistake, I don't recall choosing this fate
So many nights I lie awake, confronting my endless collection of dissatisfactions
How many hours will it take before they can wither away?

“You're not alone!”
But in the cold they never know where I go

And so I guess I'll survive, cause I know the hardest part was never losing hope, but rather letting go
And now I search far and wide to find those who truly know if there is any hope, far from a swinging rope

“Wait right here.” That's what they told me. “It gets better.”

It won't heal
And that's the irony
They're always trying to stitch me up
Been wrong all along

It's not real
I know it helps you sleep
But your karma won't fill my cup
Nor yours when I'm gone
Track Name: Innocent
Think back to a time
When I still had so many answers to find
No worries were mine
All intentions and morals aligned

But the more I find myself remembering that place in my mind
The more I struggle to return to my pathetic life
And even though I cherish my prime
It’s hard when the sun doesn’t shine

I can’t go back
To live those dreams that were once my past

Have I lost my way counting down those days?
How will I cling to the memory?

Just make me innocent
I want my purity back
Cognitive dissonance
Keeps me from what I lack

I’ve fallen into a daze
Youthful hope replaced with mind-numbing haze
Wish I could relive the days
Portray the world before a childish gaze

I try to focus on the future but I’m falling behind
Now I feel sluggish and sedated, running out of time
And I don’t think can’t handle the truth, so bring me that fountain of youth

I won’t go back
I’ve lived my fears, now make this last
Track Name: You Deserve Each Other
I called it from the very start
Saw how fast it fell apart
A stubborn, desperate partnership on life support

Beg me not to tell you twice,
But disregard all my advice
Hang your head in shame as the ones who loved you turn away

You’ve used up everyone’s sympathy and you’re leaving me no option
Consider the possibility that it just wasn’t meant to be

You're burnt out and your spirit's gone
Now all I see is scared obligation and bitter reluctance

Beg me not to tell you twice,
But disregard all my advice
Hiding in your broken home cause you'd hate to hear “I told you so”

Go ahead, follow in your father’s footsteps
Settle for failure if think you deserve it
Go ahead, follow in your mother’s footsteps
Hopes and dreams, squandered like they’re totally worthless

And now you’re wallowing in defeat with your broken dreams around you
I won’t help pick up a single piece when you admit I was right all along
Track Name: Not Worthy
I put you on a pedestal, I don’t know why
I watch you through a telescope with weary eyes
Blindly, I follow all you say
Hoping that you'll find yourself loving me someday

Don’t leave me behind
I’m lost all the time
Now you’ve gone away
It hurts every day

I’ll pretend
I’m the hero you’re dreaming of
Take my hand
And we’ll dance until I wake up

I try to speak before you go
But now I’m left here on my own again

Empty the blood from my veins
I’ll never change
The flaws I can’t control

I can’t escape this fate
Or the monsters that call my name
Denial takes it's toll

Fears that I’ll never get off my chest
Lost track of the reasons why I don’t feel whole
Guess I’ll never know

Seems like I’ll never clean up my mess
Feels like they’re trying to take apart my soul
But I'm still I’m dreaming of a place to call home
Track Name: Coping
The tension is broken
As air fills my lungs, the world comes undone
And just in that moment
All disruption stops, the voices shut off
And now I can cope, I can finally cope

I close my eyes, lose my disguise
And as the ground leaves my feet, my mind is at peace
To my surprise, my trouble dies
Intrusive thoughts escape me, I’m finally free

This world, it offers more than the strongest minds could have bargained for
And this search for our mutual purpose left us with greed and war
But I’m not concerned with the evil, lust and their feeble attempts to interpret more
I’ll find my own meaning, cherish the evening cause life isn’t keeping score

I’m struck with feelings of warmth and hope
Find love, and someday we’ll all cope